The Yarn, Part I - Minwax of Fruitwood and Purple

Part one in a series.



In my book, Love, Loss, and Awakening, is a chapter titled, “Ego Penis.” That chapter took many months of deliberation about exposing my caregiver- and widower-caused sexual shortcomings to the world. I was in a lot worse shape than the chapter describes. Besides the inner turmoil from lack of desire and non-performance, I also felt physically terrible from taking Viagra and Cialis. The drugs made me feel like a freight train ran through my veins for hours after the activity. They also stuffed up my nose and on some weekends, it was like I had a constant cold with no sniffles. I wanted to be rid of my dependence on the drugs to make me feel “like a man again.” I wanted to be aroused when required and have the “iron rod” I once could achieve. Too much to ask? No way and I, like every other man, deserved it.


Since the age of five, I have always played sports. As a father, I coached little league and ice hockey teams for my children. At fifty-eight years old, I still participate in team sports and outdoor activities. It dawned on me that sex was just like a sport, as the following excerpt from the “Ego Penis” chapter captures.


At this point in life, I wanted to experiment, but to experiment well one must be in good shape for sex. Just as one trains for a sports competition, one needs to prepare for sexual activity. When you think about it, isn’t sex really a sport? It requires all the preparations and offers all the rewards of a sport—endurance, confidence, skill, creativity, and achievement.


So, to the internet gym I went to research how I could rejuvenate myself to achieving a healthy no-drug-required sex life.


Men love talking about sex through jokes and poking fun at each other. But when it comes to our own performance, we are like the sheepish young boy who just erred and tries to hide it from his parents, knowing well the scolding is coming. My partner Lisa and I have a very healthy sex life. Maybe I boast too much, but who cares if it will help the masses? No drugs are needed to do “my job,” as Lisa and I like to snicker. Many of my friends are on performance-enhancing drugs for their sexual activities, and ask me how I quit taking them. Let’s go on an excursion to rid yourself of those $20 or more co-pay drugs. Put on your shorts, t-shirt, special non-absorbent underwear, white low-cut socks, and CrossFit sneakers. We’ll hit the word gym for exercise to play our favorite sport, sex.


You got to want it


The number one path to drug-free sex is you must seriously want to rid yourself of the dependency. No halfhearted attempts, because failure will only negatively implode your ego. If you are not prepared to achieve one hundred-percent results, do not start the adventure. Just like sports, achievement is not the goal but the adventure. You want to be rid of the drugs forever, not just for a day, month, or year. Once you become adept at a sport activity your muscle memory may diminish but it never forgets. Did you ever play a sport with a fifty-year-old or older Division 1 or professional player? Their stamina and skills may be reduced over time but they can still run circles around twenty- and thirty-year-olds with their experience and muscle memory skills. The holds true for sex. To rid yourself of enhancement drugs you must treat sex like a sport. This takes patience, practice, failure, hard work, nutrition, and satisfaction in small achievements. The truly amazing part about the sport of sex is its creativity only gets better. Therefore, to succeed you must be all in.


The psychological acceptance


In sports, mental preparation is equally important as physical preparation. We all hate failure and failure is the part of life which grinds at our soul. But hardship and failure is what makes us human. To overcome failure and succeed, perseverance is a trait unique to mankind that leads to invention and prosperity. In the quest to rid yourself of enhancement drugs, you must accept the notion that “you will fail” and sometimes flounder disgracefully. It is a tough concept to accept that your penis will not work when required. When you fail to achieve an erection, you may feel that you are not a man and possible degrade yourself. Are you prepared for this? Look in a mirror before you start and ask the person looking back at you if you can accept failure even with the most desired person. Can you accept your ego making your mind into mincemeat? An athlete who wants to attain physical and mental perfection must answer the same question. When I coached ice hockey I would explain to my players, “You must fall to learn. If you don’t fall, you are not learning. And the harder you fall the more you may learn.” This also holds true for ridding yourself of Viagra and Cialis.


Part two to be posted next week. I look forward to sharing ideas with you.



Love is a Never-Ending Adventure—Dennis Freed


Be Led by Your Dreams, Not Driven by Your Fears—Betty Hill Crowson